The sadness seems to have hit me right between the eyes. These songs I find so encouraging and comforting. It is a great thing to know that God is with me, for me and He can consume the sadness and grief that consumes me. I take great joy in it. Hope in Him is what fills me and keeps me pressing on and forward. This sadness is but a moment and fleeting.

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While pain is always pain and by very definition hurts, I am so glad that there is no road so painful that God won’t walk it with me. One of my favorite passages is Psalm 139. Of course, I love the standard, (vs. 13), “For you formed my inward parts; You wove me in mother’s womb.”, but my favorite part of the passage is one I feel is overlooked.

Psalm 139: 7-12 says, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, Youar e there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, and Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night, ” Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You.”

I, for one, am so grateful that God can see through the darkness. As strange as it sounds, going through what is now my second miscarriage, is less daunting because I know the God of the universe is in complete control. Perhaps it is my personality, but I can’t help but look at how things could be worse. Maybe God is sparing me some future pain, perhaps the loss of the child in my womb is actually sparing the child of something, who knows? Only God. I have come to the hard conclusion that I would rather never know my babies than to birth them and have them never know Jesus. To lose a child to this world is a pain I hope and pray that I never have to bare. That might not make sense to some, but I assure you that living without Jesus isn’t living at all. I know, because I’ve done it. I take great comfort in knowing that when I leave this world, the children I’ve never known in this life, will be standing beside Jesus waiting to meet and greet me when I get to my eternal home.

 

This is by far one of my favorite songs. It reminds me of the amazingness of God’s grace and forgiveness. Praise God that I don’t have to be enough to be a child of God. He loves me just the way that I am, but loves me too much to leave me that way. We never have to be enough with God, because Jesus was Enough for us.

Well, the school year has started again, which means that the ministry I am involved in at church has picked back up so this is what I have been up to. Check it out! This was tons of fun.

I am not here. I am not there.

I do not feel like I am anywhere.

Out of my heart, into my head,

Feelings, thoughts, mind-numbingly dead.

You are not here. You are not there.

You do not feel like you are anywhere.

Touch, hear, taste and sight

The silence is deafening so turn out the light.

It is not here. It is not there.

It does not feel like it is anywhere.

Inside to out, outside to in,

Start, Stop, I cannot even begin.